I’ll Be There For You 10 March 2009

I’ve been thinking about friendship a great deal recently.  Maybe it’s the (continual) overload of Friends that we watch, maybe it’s the fact that I was an extremely crappy friend last year, maybe it’s the loneliness I experienced last fall, maybe it’s the amount of fun I’m having now – maybe it’s all of the above.  My life has been incredibly enriched by my friends, but I’ve found myself considering a bit of a different angle recently.

I have been a bit of a floater for a long time.  In high school, I jumped around from group to group, trying to get comfortable, but never truly belonging.  I found a niche with a group of amazing, nerdy, amazingly nerdy guys, and I finally felt at home because I was the only girl (and subsequently got to be in control and in the center of attention…shocker).  But despite having my home base there, I was generally accepted by everyone, friendly to everyone, everyone was friendly to me (at least to my face, and I never really heard too much badmouthing through the grapevine), but I definitely didn’t really click.

In college, I did the same thing.  Fall freshman year, I hung out with theatre majors.  Springtime saw me with mostly club girls and the girls I lived with.  Fall sophomore was all organic people, and spring sophomore was a revamping of an old old friendship that I continue to cherish with random others sprinkled about.  Fall junior was amazing; it was new science people I’d never met before having fun hanging out in groups of ten all the time.  Spring junior year was…dramatic.  I made two amazing girlfriends, but also spent quite some time with a grade A jerk.  I also, once again, got to go back to that old friendship.  Summer of 2008 was…horrendous, in many ways, but I got closer to a teacher and found a good friend in someone I wouldn’t have ever thought to get to know.  Fall senior year was my exile, but it was also the point where I was able to realize that I had a lot of broken friendships that I had to either fix or lose.  I decided to fight for them.

All of that brings us to now – spring senior year.  I am currently part of 4 or 5 separate friend groups, among which there is very little overlap.  Overall, it’s extremely rewarding.  One of my goals for the year was no drama, and having lots of options generally helps me avoid the drama that comes from being in the concentrated core of any one group.  It helps me exercise all different parts of my personality, which is good when you’re as nutso as I am.

But there’s a drawback here, and it’s a problem I’ve had all my life.  I’m not sure I’ve ever really had a BEST friend (not counting boyfriends here).  I’ve always had multiple best friends.  I’ve wondered about it on occasion, asked myself if I’m missing out, and my honest answer is that I don’t know.  There are times I really wish I had that ONE person, but I’m not sure I ever really will.  There are always multiple people who know what’s going on in my life and multiple people who know my biggest secrets.  And I know many people very well.  I just…can’t decide if this is better, worse, or just different.  There are also numerous proverbs that say, in essence, “Everybody’s friend is nobody’s friend.”  Is that what’s happening to me?

The other drawback is that it can be downright exhausting.  While I rarely find myself without something to do or someone to see, I am constantly trying to make sure I’ve given everyone time because I’m afraid I’m neglecting someone.  It also means that, in those few overlapping portions, I can sometimes run into friends that I like quite a bit who don’t like each other quite as much.

I’m rambling.

In the end, though, I know that my life would be empty without my friends.  I’ve been working harder to be a better friend, and I think my relationships are all benefiting from it.  My friends make me laugh until I cry, and they threaten to kick the ass of the people who make me cry without the laughter.  They listen, they talk, they share, they entertain, they poke fun, they enrich.

I would be lost without them, all of them, and I know I’m not willing to lose a single one of them.

My favorite?? Chandler. No question.

Wisdom from the Subconcious 16 February 2009

I have an extremely dependent relationship with my snooze button.  I’m one of those people with the horribly annoying habit of setting my alarm 30-60 minutes prior to when I know I will actually get out of bed so that I can snooze.  Often times, especially after the first 3 or so snoozes, I will fall back asleep enough to have a teeny tiny blip of a dream – or at least my mind will wander like crazy without my directing it.  Any of you who have heard a retelling of one of my dreams know that my unconscious mind is a scary place to be.  My semi-conscious mind, however, is apparently quite wise.  During one of my snooze-naps today, I made this declaration to a room full of people:

“I don’t care if he’s perfect in every other way; if a guy doesn’t respect you, he’s NOT WORTH IT.  We shouldn’t “need” to be in a relationship so badly that we’ll settle for someone who doesn’t respect us.  We should enjoy being single until the right guy comes along.”

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P.S. I know I’m automatically disqualifying myself from ever being a Serious Blogger, but I’m going to talk about boys from time to time.  It’s just going to happen.  Sry dudes.

Twilight: A Review 12 February 2009

As you doubtless know, a little series of fantasy novels by Stephenie Meyer has recently whipped the nation (sadly, not JUST 13-year-old girls) into an utter frenzy.  This is my take on the books – Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn – and the general hype that surrounds them.  I will do my best to make rational points and not resort to screaming obscenities – but I make no guarantees.

First of All

I’d like to make a distinction between “OMG THEY’RE SO GOOOOOOD” and the term “good” in the sense of quality literature.  Something doesn’t have to be well-written, well-thought-out, well-planned, or well-executed to be entertaining and addicting.  I will be the first to tell you that I love “bad” movies and books because, while I recognize that they don’t fit the prevailing standards of quality in the arts, they’re often extremely entertaining.  I can appreciate them in part because they’re so bad it’s good – I love the idea of camp.  So I would like us to stop assuming that the fact that you enjoyed the books means that they’re “good literature.”

(Geez, I sound like an absolute snob.  I’m for sure not saying that I only read “good” literature and watch “good” movies.  I mean, The Goonies is never going to win cinematic acclaim, but I absolutely love it.  And I can’t tell you how many chick-lit novels I read in high school.  I just call a spade a spade.)

How did this appeal become universal?

This is what I really don’t get.  I can see why Twilight appeals to teenage girls (see #3 below in particular).  But my Genetics teacher?  The 26-year-old guy in my classes who went to Iraq and got a Purple Heart and is now going to med school?  Really?  I don’t see the universality of the appeal.  I think that’s why this phenomenon astounds me.  Harry Potter (past book 3) is obviously NOT a children’s series.  The themes that run through it are far beyond an 8-year-old’s comprehension.  But Twilight was quite obviously written for teenage girls.  And I’m just not sure what made it make the jump.

Now come my specific complaints with the series.

1.) Stephenie Meyer cannot write.

The first chapter of the first book reads like fanfic that I wrote in 9th grade.  (Seriously – I still have those fanfics.  But you’re never going to see them…)  She’s overly descriptive of everything, and it’s obvious that she’s trying to make Bella’s thoughts pithy and special.  Her writing style was actually distracting for the beginning of the book.  She definitely improved throughout the series, but the start was just painful.  And if people don’t stop saying she’s the “new JKR,” I swear I am going to go on an out-and-out rampage.

2.) Bella Swan may be the most annoying, whiney, dumb, and intensely dislikable character ever.

Oh my GOSH, I hate her.  First of all, I absolutely do NOT buy into the “I cannot breathe without your presence” type of obsessive love that she embodies.  That’s not healthy, but we’ll address that later.  She’s not really the strong female lead she’s made out to be if, after meeting Edward, she can’t stand on her own two feet without him.  Love doesn’t make you helpless; if anything, it empowers you.

Also, let’s talk New Moon.  I admittedly skipped the entire middle of the book, but not because Edward left.  It was what Edward’s leaving did that annoyed the mess out of me.  Bella is just dumb.  She actually believed Edward didn’t love her?  Really?  And then she goes comatose?  Give me a break.  Did she just skip the entire first book and all the declarations of love and all that mess?

3.) Edward is NOT THE PERFECT MAN.

I’m sure I’m about to get shot, but I do NOT want Edward Cullen.  The physical beauty, the wit, the intelligence, sure.  The obsessive, protective jealousy?  PASS.  In discussing this with a few friends, we think we figured out the problem.  That kind of “I’ll take care of you, you’re my girl, no one else can have you” mentality is what teenage girls want in a boyfriend.  The thing is that you grow out of that ideal as you mature and learn a little bit about life and how the world works – or at least I did, as did these other friends of mine.

4.) That’s not the kind of love I want.

This is pretty much a restatement, but I just want to be clear.  I want to be wholly in love.  I want to be consumed by it and for it to change my life.  But I don’t want it to erase my identity, I want love to enrich who I am.

5.) Breaking Dawn – WTF?!

Can somebody tell me what sort of crazy pills smeyer was on when she wrote this book?  Holy crap.  There are just almost no words.  And you can’t fully understand it if you haven’t read it – but I can’t in good faith encourage you to do that.  I just…have no idea what was going on.  Eclipse was, for the series, a very strong book (the best, in my opinion).  But to follow and end with THAT?  Oh goodness.

And the climax?  Oh wait – there wasn’t one.  The ending of that book and the confrontation with the Volturi could have redeemed the book if she had bothered to do it right.  And I like a happy ending as much as the next guy, but seriously…there was hardly even a point to the 3rd section of the book since it all amounted to nothing anyway.

OK, I’ll Admit…

I read these books (with the exception of the middle of New Moon) twice.  Straight through both times.  I saw the movie.  I cared enough to have this discussion over and over, and now I’m sitting here writing this instead of the million actual things I have to do.  I will admit to being entertained, and even really liking isolated parts (Edward and Jacob’s in-tents discussion in Eclipse)  I read the books because I needed to see what the hype was about, I was sick of seeing Twilight Flair, and because I believe you can’t truly criticize something until you’ve experienced it.  I did get sucked in by the story, and I felt compelled to see what happened, but I was also EXTREMELY bored and alone both times I read them.  Take that for what you will.

SMeyer had some good ideas.  Her vision of vampires is a new one, and the mythology of her characters (Jasper’s past is in large part what’s good about Eclipse and the idea of the Volturi is really cool, even if the council themselves are actually pansies) is intriguing.  But she didn’t really do anything with them.  All that potential down the drain.  That idea really does bum me out.

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So I hope that gives you an idea of how I really feel. 

It's ok to just say no.

OH AND P.S.

It is in no way acceptable to call this the “new HP.”  It’s a popular fantasy series, yes, and they shared a common actor, but we’ve about run out of similarities.  You’re certainly allowed to like (even love, if you must) both, but thinking that they’re somehow equal is NOT OK.  I’m going to stop typing now, because otherwise, it’ll very quickly turn into @#&*%!!@^$#.

<3 Lorelai Gilmore 10 February 2009

“Hey, do you know that if the entire population of China walked by, the line would never end because of the rate of population increase? That’s my list, every Chinese person in the world.”

My hero.

Let’s Be Honest 9 February 2009

Sad, but true.

Follow Through 6 February 2009

Or: I Have None.

The entire point of starting a new blog was to…use it?  So we’ll try that part again.

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I’m currently writing my Senior Symposium for English (read: should put those first words on paper ANY day now), and it’s completely overtaking my brain.  So far, I’ve written a thesis (which I still expect Dr. Williams to destroy), a very general outline, my bibliography, and I’ve read many many chapters of many books, and also a couple of journal articles.  This weekend is the first time I plan to actually write, and I’m honestly a little nervous.

Writing brings about a strange amalgamation (ooh big word – I’m gettin’ me a B.A. in English) of emotions to me.  I have always wanted to be a writer, but I was never convinced I was one.  I had the thought processes of a writer, but none of the discipline required for the profession (…or for blogging).  I tried  my hand at many different forms of writing, finally finding my favorite in essays.  But did I start writing them with any consistency or particular gusto?  Of course not.  Deep down, I suppose I was afraid that if I wrote much, it’d become glaringly obvious that I’m not good at it, and in case you didn’t know, I used to be (am?) terrified of not being good at things.  There are reasons I don’t play sports and video games – I wasn’t naturally adept, and couldn’t suffer through being bad in order to get good.  Horrible way to go about life, I know, but that was me.  And so, rather than find out I was bad at it, or do it enough to become better, I just assumed I was good enough to get by, and didn’t write enough not to be shown otherwise.  (Also, knowing the difference between “your” and “you’re” guaranteed I actually could write better than most all of my peers in high school and college – but that’s not the point.)

My point in all that (I think) was that the idea of sitting down and writing a 10+ page paper on a deeply intuitive topic that will be reviewed by the head of the English department (who, in 3 classes, has never given me an A on a paper) is fairly frightening, especially in light of my already established writing issues.  However, I’m not sure I’m as scared as I should be.  I still love the work I’m studying (Kerouac’s On the Road), I know my direction is strong and has plenty of scholarly support, and I know that I have a twist that gives it originality.  I’m not 100% sure how I’ll get it all to flow together, but I’m actually looking forward to it.

Granted, this is all being said before I’ve put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), and before I’ve handed over anything I produce to be ripped apart by Dr. Williams.  Come Tuesday, I may have a different opinion.

So here’s to starting that paper, and not having a nervous breakdown.

Sarah

I'm getting to know these guys pretty well these days.

Another Year, Another Blog 16 July 2008

I’ve done it again.

Stayed tuned; soon enough, I may just figure out what on earth I’m doing.